Burnt Pasta
by VaraReadsTooMuch
Summary: One-shot. Roy fails at making pasta, destroys the kitchen and invokes the wrath of his beloved Hawkeye. How is he worming out of this one? AU, Roy x Riza, I own nothing except the progression of events.


"ROY MUSTANG, WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY KITCHEN!?" screamed Riza Hawkeye, as she came through the doorway. _Great. Just great._ She had gotten home from possibly the most tedious day she'd ever had at work, and opened the front door to a horrible burning smell. Upon entering the kitchen, she'd found Roy, desperately scrubbing away at patches of scorched spaghetti.

"I was… I-I was…"

"You were WHAT?" she yelled, barrelling past him. He sidestepped out of the way hastily as she inspected the worktops. _Damn it. All spattered with blackened food_.

"Trying to make it… cook faster," he finished, stuttering in terror at being caught. The guy could go up against all the homunculi in the world with one hand behind his back, without as much as a tremor, but hold his own against his extremely pissed-off girlfriend? No chance. He'd have been better off trying to make sparks in the rain.

"With _alchemy? _Why couldn't you just adjust the hob like a NORMAL HUMAN BEING?" _Stubborn man_. This could _not_ be happening. She pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"Er, Riza?"

"I mean, look at this mess! It's not even as if pasta takes that long to cook -"

"Riza?"

"What were you even trying to cook for anyway, I thought we were getting take away tonight -?"

"_Riza...?_"

"WHAT!?" she finally answered, whirling round. Her anger evaporated, however, when she saw him produce a small box. "Oh," was all she said as he opened it, revealing a sparkling diamond ring.

"Erm, Riza…"

"Yes, Roy…?" _Oh, my God, is he actually…?_

"Will you, erm, well…" She waited expectantly. "Ah, Riza, come on, don't make me say it," he muttered, his cheeks turning bright red.

Hawkeye folded her arms across her chest. _No way_ was he worming out of this. "You've just destroyed my kitchen, I think you're going to have to."

"Ah… I'm really, really sorry about that." He bit his lip.

"Okay, I forgive you. Unless this is just a way to stop me from getting me angry about it. Which does strike me as the kind of thing you'd do."

He looked startled. "It's not! I thought dinner would be a nice prelude to… well, _this._"

"Then I forgive you. But you're still going to have to say it."

Roy nodded in resignation, and resolutely took a few deep breaths. "Riza Hawkeye," he began, swallowing hard. "Courting you for the past two years has been an absolute pleasure. You have made me happier than I ever thought I could be. So, would you please do me the very great honour -?"

"You have to get down on one knee for this."

He was now vermilion from the neck up. "Riza," he pleaded.

"_Roy_," she insisted.

"Whenever did you become so traditional?" he murmured, but he sank down onto his left knee obligingly. Then he gabbled, sounding slightly strangulated, "_Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, will you please marry me_!?" Riza had barely opened her mouth to respond before he added "Please. I'm going to look such an ass if you say no now. And I really do love you. Quite a lot, actually."

She sighed deeply, and relished the brief flash of alarm in his eyes as she hesitated. "You know what, Colonel?" Now all the colour had drained from his face. She felt she was maybe enjoying his torture a little too much. Better end it now, before he made a sadist out of her. "I think I'll say yes, just to save your dignity." He didn't look able to take it in, so she added. "I'm saying yes, Roy. I'll marry you."

He seemed to stop entirely for a second. He didn't breathe, didn't blink, didn't move a muscle. Then he beamed like a child, leapt up and hugged her, dropping the ring in the process. It rolled into some far corner of the room. She laughed, burying her face in the crook of his neck. After a few seconds, she felt the need to add, "_Courting_, Roy, really? Who even says that anymore?"

"It came from the heart," he muttered, his face colouring again, but only slightly. She smiled and kissed on him the cheek, and then they both got down on the floor got onto the floor to hunt for the ring. It had ended up in one of the puddles of burnt pasta, but the diamond still shone like a tiny star.

* * *

**I love this ship, but I kind of wrote this in a rush. Maybe I haven't quite done it justice. What do you guys think? R+R, please!**

**Vara.**


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